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What would I say? Suppose she found someone new? Suppose she doesn’t want anything to do with me and my problems? Suppose she forgot who I was? I thought about everything that could go wrong until I just made myself sicker than I was. Finally, I picked up the phone and dialed her number. “Hello.” A female voice answered. “Hello, Kate?” I hesitated. “No, this is her mother.” The voice stated, “Who’s calling?” “This is Alan.” I added, “From school.” I was so nervous as her mother went to get Kate on the phone. I was sweating profusely, but somehow felt more alive than I ever had before. Kate finally came to the phone, after what seemed like a long eternity. I was elated. Not only did she seem glad I had called, but we spoke for what seemed like hours filling each other in on every event of the last few months. There was much laughter punctuating the conversation and my incredible newfound joy gave way to desire. My want for her was like a low-down burning ache in the gut. I didn’t just. That I would never hurt any of them. Nobody is being coerced into being here. NOBODY is being forced to do anything they're not comfortable with. Don't you ever ... EVER ... insinuate that I am ANYTHING like Henry Rutledge, do you understand?!?"Her eyes wide with fright at my tone and demeanor, Peyton nodded hurriedly.Only now did I recognize that despite my insistence of not being a monster, I was still scaring her. I backed up quickly and shook my head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten up in your face," I apologized with a wince.Peyton pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest again, more or less hugging herself. She didn't look me in the eyes, but she nodded and replied, "It's okay." Really ... I'm sorry," I repeated in a much more apologetic tone.Peyton picked her head up, now studying my face with a strange expression, as if she was seeing me for the first time. "You know, I had it all wrong about you. I thought you were this charming lothario, a Casanova who.
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